What is "coming out"?

"Coming out" is when someone who is gay, lesbian or bisexual tells someone about their sexuality. Coming out means you can be honest about how you feel and not keep part of your life hidden. It means that the important people in your life will know about your sexuality.

 

Coming out is a very personal decision. Who you come out to and even whether you come out at all is up to you. Coming out has advantages but is not always the right decision for everyone.

 

There are a lot of resources available for people coming out. If you are struggling with the decision to come out, you might find the websites on the support page helpful. (Link to support)

Coming out for the first time or in a new situation can be easier if you have support from others.

 

There can often be more support available than you might realise. Many LGBT networks are hidden or informal and until you make contact you may not realise that they exist. Stonewall and The Proud Trust have information on many local groups. Many LGBT groups exist online, where it is easy to be relatively anonymous if you are not ready to come out to those people around you at home.

 

LGBT people often find their family and friends are very supportive. They may have already suspected that you are anxious about something and be relieved that there is nothing more serious going on with you!

Coming out can be a nerve-wracking experience. However, it can also be a very positive one!

 

Sometimes those less closely connected to you will find it easier to support you. Friends might be more accepting than family. Youth workers or teachers should not tell your family or friends unless they believe you are at risk of serious harm. They can be a good source of support.

 

LGBT people often find their family and friends are very supportive. They may have already suspected that you are anxious about something and be relieved that there is nothing more serious going on with you!

There is no right or wrong way to come out. You should come out in the way that feels most comfortable for you.

 

For some people, it is easier to have the conversation face to face. This can feel scary, but does mean that you can answer any questions and get reassurance yourself.

 

For others a text or email conversation might be better. An advantage of this is that it gives the person receiving the information time to come to terms with it and respond.

 

You may find that the people you come out to react badly initially. While friends and family often have suspected that a loved one may be LGBT, for some people it comes as a big shock. Your sexuality be natural to you but might take some getting used to for others. This can be difficult for you to deal with. If your family reacts very badly initially, it might be worth getting support. Over time, family and friends do often come to accept that a loved one is LGBT.

 

Remember that you do not have to come out to everyone all at once. It is ok to come out as gradually as you feel comfortable with telling people. It is ok to come out in one part of your life but not in others. If you are coming out in the workplace or in education, remember that there are laws to protect you.

Sometimes you don't have a choice in when you come out or who to. This usually happens because others have guessed or found out about your sexuality and confronted you, or because someone you have come out to has told others. This is known as "being outed".

 

Being outed may not be malicious, and those you are outed to might still be supportive. Sometimes they will have been worried about you. Sometimes they will have suspected for a long time and be relieved that nothing serious is wrong.