Sex and Ageing
Forget the taboos and not talking about sex! For the most healthy adults, pleasure and interest in sex remain as you age. Thankfully, there is no written rule that states “happy birthday, you are now 40,50,60+ and are no longer required to have a sexual desire!”
Age alone is no reason to change the sexual practices that you have enjoyed throughout your life. But you may have to make a few minor adjustments to accommodate any physical limitations you may have or the effects of certain illnesses or medicines.
Sex in later life may not be the same as it was in your youth but that does not have to be a bad thing. In fact, sex can be more enjoyable than ever, as you embrace your older identity.
Experience and the self-confidence that comes with age can be incredibly attractive to your spouse or potential partners. No matter your gender, you may feel better about your body at 62 or 72 than you did at 22. And it is likely that you now know more about yourself and what makes you excited and happy. Your experience can make your sex life exciting for you and your partner.
Naturally, your body is going through changes as you age. You look and feel differently than you did when you were younger. But if you can accept these changes as natural, you'll not only feel better, you'll also be more attractive to others. Confidence is sexy too!
You can find out more about sex and aging here
Top Tips:
- Consider getting tested first
The best way to protect yourself and your partner get tested for STIs before you start having sex. A person can have an STI and not know it because the symptoms are not obvious. And some symptoms of STIs or HIV, such as tiredness, can be mistaken for age-related health problems.
- You still need to practice safe sex as you age
As an older adult, you need to be just as careful as younger people when having sex with a new partner. You may not be able to get pregnant, but you're still susceptible to sexually transmitted infections.
- Talk and talk some more.
Intimacy is based on a lot more than just the physical act of sex. It all starts with communication and an openness, it’s great for building a sense of connection with each other. It’s also a vital aspect of consent, discuss what you both like and don’t like and be clear with each other about what you will and won’t try.
- Mix it up a bit
There is no doubt sex if different when aging but you have the added benefit of experience, so why not try adding a bit of flare to your sex life can boost your sense of desire. Some ways to do this include:
- New positions
- Have sex in new places
- Shower together
- Massage each other
- Role play
Whatever you choose be sure to revisit the communication aspect to set boundaries with your partner and to clearly understand what turns each other on.
- Getting creative with positions
Common sense and a creative spirit can spark new ways to enjoy sex. For example, if a flat surface doesn’t work for your knees, a new position or special furniture can offer another angle, or you may find that adding pillows can help support aching backs. If you have problems getting aroused, a vibrator can help. It’s natural to worry about “getting back into the swing of things” if you’ve been inactive for a while. But just having sex can help you relax and let desire take the lead.
- Reach for the lube!
As females age, natural lubrication for sexual intercourse commonly decreases, therefore requiring a bit of assistance in the form of water-based lubrication. Having sex without sufficient lubrication can cause severe discomfort and damage to the vagina. You can order free lube here
- Think about your own sexual pleasure.
Before we go any further, we just want to remind you that masturbation is perfectly normal. It's actually a good way to explore and get to know your body and will help you communicate your sexual likes and dislikes to a partner.
Masturbation can be done solo (on your own) or mutual masturbation (with someone else). Some people get pleasure from touching their anus, just like other people get pleasure from touching their penis, testicles, clitoris, and vulva.
Masturbating can lead to an orgasm, but you don’t have to orgasm; not everyone can or wants to. Masturbation is different for everyone and what feels nice one time may not be on other occasions, it's all about you learning what is right for you. There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate.
- Sex toys may help?
As you age, a sex toy isn’t just an enhancement; it can be the difference between having an orgasm or not. Look for products that are easy to grip, have buildable intensity and are made from safe materials. Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes, some people may prefer a classic vibrator whilst other of menopause age, prefer clitoral stimulation alone, so don’t forget to do your research to help you find the right product for you!
If you’re using sex toys with your partner(s), condoms can help you reduce the risk of passing on Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Make sure you use a new condom for each partner and if you are inserting the toy into different orifices, you will need to use a new condom for that too. If you’re using sex toys for anal masturbation, it’s important that you wash the toys between use.
Whilst some people use their hands and fingers, some prefer to rub or insert objects such as sex toys.
- Medical conditions that can affect sex
Whilst the Sexual Health service can offer additional advice about protecting yourself from STIs, you should talk to your GP or specialist to check sex is safe with certain medical conditions such as after a heart attack. Your GP can also recommend treatments for common sexual problems such as vaginal dryness and erectile dysfunction (difficulty getting an erection, also known as ED). They can also recommend treatments for conditions that can affect your sex life, such as incontinence.
Effective treatments for vaginal dryness include over-the-counter moisturizers and lubricants, and prescription estrogen creams, tablets, and rings that you insert vaginally.
Erectile dysfunction increases with age, but it is not always a part of growing older. It can be due to medical conditions such as heart disease or diabetes or emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, and stress. It can also be due to side effects from medications such as antidepressants or high blood pressure medications, as well as alcohol use.
Because erectile dysfunction may be the first sign of an underlying medical condition, talk to your GP if you experience this problem. Your GP can prescribe medications to help with erectile dysfunction problems.