Pleasure

What is sexual pleasure?

According to the Global Board of Sexual Wellbeing:

“Sexual pleasure is the physical and/or psychological satisfaction and enjoyment derived from solitary or shared erotic experiences, including thoughts, dreams and autoeroticism.” (GAB, 2016)

That’s all great, but what does that actually mean?

Sexual pleasure is unique to you, and more importantly, everyone deserves to have sexual pleasure, should they want it. Pleasure is what makes masturbation or sex feel good and it’s an important part of your sexual health.

You can experience pleasure through different sex acts such as oral sex, anal sex, sex using your hands, fingers, and vaginal sex, these can be with a partner or solo (masturbation).

Sexual pleasure can also be experienced without any physical touching; this could be experienced by watching or reading something that gets you sexually aroused, sexting or even role-play. There is no one way or definition of how you should experience sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure can be enjoyed by people of all different sexual identities and genders. Your sexual desire and enjoyment are unique to you!

• What is a sex drive?

  A sex drive, also known as libido, can be described as the desire to have sex. There is no right or wrong level of libido, and there is no 'normal' when it comes to how often you should have sex. Some people have sex, or feel like having sex, every day, while others may have sex once a year, or not at all.

  It all depends on what you prefer and your life circumstances. Everyone’s sex drive is different and may change over time. It is completely normal not to feel any sexual desires from time to time. However, if you had a sex drive and now no longer have one and it is worrying you, you should speak to your GP.

• Is sex good for you?

  Sexual pleasure is good for you both emotionally and physically and is something you are entitled too. Not only can it bring benefits to your overall health and wellbeing, but having pleasure by yourself can help you to better understand your own body, learn what you like and help you feel more confident in communicating your desires and needs with others should you choose to.

• Do I have to orgasm every time I have sex?

  When you have an orgasm, your body gives you a natural high as you release endorphins, which are hormones that block pain and make you feel good. But having an orgasm isn’t the only way to experience pleasure and sex can be enjoyable even without experiencing an orgasm. So, take the pressure off a bit! Some people may need to re-think what sex is and what sex means to them, and rather focusing final goal of sex being the "Big O”. This can help us to have more pleasurable sex, as putting pressure on yourself to orgasm can interfere with being turned on, having fun and pleasurable sex.

• How do I experience sexual pleasure without orgasm?

  When you think about sexual pleasure, you would be forgiven for instantly thinking about genitals, breasts, nipples, and bums. Whilst these are typical body parts that are sensitive to sexual stimulation, there are more body parts that feel pleasure too.

   

  You may enjoy touch and this may be more pleasurable for you. It can also be fun to find out where on your body you experience pleasure. You can use different objects to touch with, perhaps different textures or temperatures or even different pressure such as massage.

   

  Different things will also have an impact on the way you experience pleasure, such as erotic literature, watching pornography, sound, and temperature. Some people enjoy sex toys or even dressing up!

  Finally, don’t forget the way you experience pleasure may also change as you age, just because you enjoyed something in your 20s doesn’t mean you will still like it in your 30s, 40s or beyond.

   

  So be creative when exploring your pleasure! Because we are all unique and the way we experience pleasure is too!

• Self-love or masturbation

  Before we go any further, we just want to remind you that masturbation is perfectly normal. It's actually a good way to explore and get to know your body. It may also help you communicate your sexual likes and dislikes to a partner.

   

  Masturbation can be done solo (on your own) or with mutual masturbation (with someone else). Whilst some people use their hands and fingers, some prefer to rub or insert objects such as sex toys.

   

  If you’re using sex toys with your partner(s), condoms can help you reduce the risk of passing on Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Make sure you use a new condom for each partner and if you are inserting the toy into different orifices, you will need to use a new condom for that too. You should always clean your sex toys before and after each use, paying special attention to areas where two materials or parts of the toy meet (like around buttons or battery compartments).  

   

  Masturbating can lead to an orgasm, but you don’t have to orgasm; not everyone can or wants to. Masturbation is different for everyone and what feels nice one time may not be on other occasions, it's all about you learning what is right for you. There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate.

• Watching pornography

  Pornography itself isn't "bad" or "wrong”. If you watch pornography, it does have benefits and drawbacks that can vary based on each individual person.

   

  Pornography is difficult to define because it means different things to different people. Most commonly, it refers to sexually explicit printed or visual materials (such as videos or pictures) intended to arouse sexual feelings.

  There is also a huge spectrum of what might be considered porn, from woman centred erotica to harmful material that depicts violence. This includes the use of children or young people in pornography.

   

  It is important to understand the law that surrounds pornography. It is illegal for an adult to show a minor (under the age 18) pornography, and any form of pornography that contains a child whether that be watching or distribution of is illegal. (This includes what a young person under 18 takes a nude selfie and forwards it to another young person under 18).

   

  Is porn real?

  Pornography is not real life, it’s purpose if not to teach people how to have sex or how people should react to sex, The people performing in pornography are actors! They are casted based on perfect bodies, huge penis, symmetrical labia. This is not real life; it rarely discusses consent and boundaries or the real-life situations that sex may occur. Its purpose is for entertainment and pleasure.

   

  Will I get addicted to porn if I watch it?

  For some people watching porn is totally fine, whilst others, may consume so much porn or certain kinds of porn, it starts to effect their emotional state, mental health, romantic relationships, or productivity.

   

  There is no right amount of porn to consume before it becomes a problem, so if it is affecting your wellbeing, relationships or daily life, it may be time to get some support. You can find out more here.

   

  In summary, watching porn, whether it be alone for sexual please or in a relationship to get you in the mood is ok, but it isn’t for everyone so make sure when consuming it with others you have the discussion before you press play and if it becomes a problem for you, get some support.

• Safe group sex

  Group sex, or party and play, usually involves multiple people who go along to a specific pre-arranged venue and are willing to have sex with a wide variety of other participants. But, as with any sexual activity, consent (from everyone) is vital. No one should feel pressured to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.

   

  What are the risks of group sex?

  Whilst it may sound a lot of fun, and group sex is a fantasy for many people, the reality is it does come with some risks including:

  • Sexually Transmitted Infections. With a lot of people having sex, it's almost inevitable that somebody present will have an infection and could transmit it to others. So always remember to use a condom.
  • It could cause problems if you are in a relationship, so you need to make sure you both set your boundaries.
• What can stop me from experiencing sexual pleasure?

  Problems within a relationship

  Problems within a relationship can stop you from experiencing sexual pleasure. Therapy can be useful, either by helping you handle your feelings about the relationship, or by relationship counselling to resolve issues and open-up communication. A GP may refer one or both of you for psychosexual counselling or relationship therapy so you and your partner can discuss any sexual and emotional issues that may be contributing to your lack of sex drive.

   

  Poor mental health

  Feeling down, poor mental health or illness, and even certain medications, can make you feel less likely to want to have sex. This feeling should pass once you have addressed the underlying issue or if it is caused by your medication you should speak to your GP.

   

  Stress

  Stress can be a huge factor when it comes to not feeling in the mood. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You can reduce stress with regular exercise and a healthy diet as well as regularly practicing controlled breathing. You could check out local services to help you to reduce your stress.

   

  The menopause

  During and after menopause, changes in your levels of the hormones oestrogen and testosterone may affect your libido.

   

  The falling oestrogen that happens during the menopause not only affects your sex drive, it also reduces the natural vaginal secretions that a woman produces, leading to dry vaginal tissue which can be uncomfortable and even painful during sex. However, painful or uncomfortable sex should not be something you have to accept, a GP or menopause specialist can help you with medications or vaginal creams to help sex more pleasurable again. Don’t suffer in silence, speak to your GP.

   

  Lubricant (lube) can help make sex more pleasurable, especially during the menopause. There is a wide range of lube available, you can even get in the supermarkets. You can also order free lube delivered to your door from our service, click here to place an order.  

   

  You have just had a baby?

  Whilst some women are ready to have sex soon after birth, others may want to take their time, especially after a traumatic birth. You should always follow your healthcare providers advice on when you can resume sex, this is usually around six weeks after delivery but this doesn’t mean you must start to have sex at this time, you should start to have sex again when you and your partner are ready. Some women may want sexual pleasure or intimacy but are worried about vaginal penetration. Remember, vaginal sex isn’t the only way to experience pleasure and it can be fun to explore new ways to experience pleasure without vaginal penetration! Erotic massage, oral sex, mutual masturbation can be great ways to reintroduce pleasure after birth. Some women may also find using sex toys can help give them more control and help build confidence leading to penetrative sex.

   

  Sex after birth may initially be uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be painful. Lubricant (lube) can help make sex more comfortable, click here to order free lube.  If you are worried about resuming sex after having a baby, or experiencing painful sex or bleeding, speak to your GP or health visitor.  

   

  Don’t forget about contraception! You can get pregnant soon after birth, even before your periods have started or while breastfeeding. Click here for more information.

   

  You have a drug or alcohol problem

  Alcohol and drug abuse can lead to physical problems in the bedroom, including erectile dysfunction and can lower libido. If you feel you need any support with your drug or alcohol use you can contact GCL.

   

  An underlying medical problem.

  Certain medical conditions can make having sex less pleasurable by causing:

  • Certain medical conditions can make having sex less pleasurable by causing:
  • Painful penetration
  • Erectile or ejaculation dysfunction
  • Bleeding during/after sex.

   

  If you are worried or have been experiencing the issue for a while, you should visit your GP.